1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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