I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Randomize
