some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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