So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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