i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
