My first STD was from a foam party
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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