im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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