You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize