I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
