Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
