i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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