She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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