No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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