my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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