Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
