good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
