So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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