Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
