All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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