He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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