Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
