It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
