got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
