theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I have fence marks all over my body
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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