Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
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I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
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You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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