thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
