I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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