i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
