My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
