I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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