My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
