i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
