White coat. Heels.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
