I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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