I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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