be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
