woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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