had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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