i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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