Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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