Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
