Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
