Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
