just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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