I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
the liver wants what the liver wants
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
