pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
