he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
