This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
