Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
