That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
