I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
