I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
