it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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