Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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