I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize