Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
