She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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