maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
