pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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