How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
