a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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