She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
