I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
