Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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