I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
