Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
