Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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