are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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